Sex advice, sex tips and relationship advice

#51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation

Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, April 23, 2012



Once you’ve navigated your partner’s vagina and got to know the G, A and Ohh Spots a little better let’s look at how you can stimulate all those good spots for maximum effect.

 Before you get anywhere near her genitals though, make sure your partner is well and truly aroused and wanting your fingers to enter.

Remember, it’s about invitation not penetration!


The G-Spot:

Insert a finger, run it along the corrugated ridge that’s her urethral sponge until you get to the end, hook your finger on the edge and pull back towards her vaginal opening. A tickling type movement might be enough or you may need to be quite firm. Try it with one finger initially and then try it with two, either pulling with both fingers together, or waggling your fingers so they alternate stroking that point. You can also try rubbing around or stroking across the spot.

She may find the sensation unpleasant initially, with an urge to pee, in which case ask her to relax and have a sense of pushing out with her vaginal muscles. Build up to this though, try a few pulls then relax, a few more. Don’t expect her to love it in the first session, or even the first few sessions. It might even be that she’ll never like the G-Spot, but she might, so that’s no reason not to try.


The A-Spot:

My personal favorite! Straighten your finger and push directly in and up (I like it a little to my left) on to the vaginal wall on the tummy side of the cervix. You can poke in really quite firmly there. Try two fingers as well as one. Again, you can also rub or stroke the area, side to side or round and round, or you can waggle your fingers so they’re tickling gently or prodding quite firmly. Try it with your fingers together and slightly apart.

Again, it may take some time for her to get used to the sensation, it can be pretty overwhelming and intense initially. Always err on the side of caution and start gently, building up in intensity.


The Cervix:

On our way to stimulating the O-spot I have to mention stimulating the cervix. You need to go around the cervix to find the O-spot on the other side. So while you’re there, go around and around the cervix a few times with one or two fingers and see how she likes that!


The O-Spot:

Directly opposite the A-spot on the rear side of the vagina behind the cervix on the vaginal wall is the O-spot - or O-region really. There’s an open cul-de-sac type of space and you can stimulate the whole area with circular rubs, back and forth strokes, rhythmic pushes, and little waggling tickle-like movements. You can also do circular movements around and around between the back of the cervix (so you’re stroking the cervix itself) and the O-region of the vaginal wall.


Multi-spot Stimulation:

Once you’ve got the hang of focusing on specific spots or areas, you can put it all together. By inserting two or three fingers simultaneously you can:

1. Swirl your fingers around and around the vagina at different depths:

  • Firstly just a knuckle-depth or so in, so you’re stimulating the urethral sponge (the corrugated ridge), with a bit of a tug on the G-spot as you go past the end.
  •    
  • Then do the swirl deeper in so you’re going around the cervix, either with the pressure onto the cervix, or with the pressure onto the vaginal walls, and therefore onto the A and O areas, or alternating the direction of the pressure (continued pressure on the cervix can become too much).

2. Waggle your fingers: Do an alternate “come hither” tugging-type movement with two fingers from the A-spot to the G-spot along the front wall of her vagina.

  • Waggle your fingers alternately up and down at different depths and with your fingers different distances apart.
  •    
  • Turn your hand to the side and waggle your fingers side to side across the vagina at different depths.
  •    
  • Waggle your fingers together, apart or together, as though you’re “scratching” the walls of the vagina. Start with your hand facing towards her back, then start rotating your hand, moving in and out so you’re “scratching” up and down and all around her vagina.

 3. Swirl and waggle simultaneously.

4. Add some rubs and strokes and prods or pulses with your fingertips as you swirl and waggle.

Whew!

Does all that sound a bit complicated? Then build up to it. Pay attention to where you’re touching and what you’re doing, and her reaction to it. Make sure you’re following her response. Every vagina is different and every woman is different, and every woman and her vagina responds differently at different times. So the Master of Manual Stimulation knows that he can’t assume a particular technique will always work. He has to be very attuned to the woman.


The Master Stroke: Add the clitoris

Now, to be a true Master of Manual Stimulation, you need to add the other hand and stimulate her clitoris on the outside. With one hand on the inside working all those lovely vaginal spots, your other hand will be stimulating her clitoris.

To build up to this level of skill, alternate internal and external, either with the same hand or alternate hands. You need to be competent with the individual hands to be able to bring the two together.

 When you’ve got both hands going it really is like playing your partner like a musical instrument. And just as a Master Musician is completely at one with his instrument, so do you need to be at one with your partner. Then the “music” you create will be sublime.


To learn more about mastering sex, enrol in my online sexual mastery course for men Black Belt in the Bedroom!





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#308: How To Give (and Receive) An Erotic Spanking
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#304: It's Not "Needy" to Connect - It's Human!
#303: The Art of the Thrust
#302: Transformational Erotica
#301: Sex As Embodied Mindfulness Practice
#300: So Many Ways to Eat, So Many Ways to ...
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#297: Turning Sex Lives Upside-Down - it's my life's work!
#296: The Sex Store in Your Pantry
#295: Do You PIV or VEP When You Have Sex?
#294: Take Your Penis for a Walk!
#293: It's Time to Let Our Souls Catch-Up
#292: Become A Sensual Explorer
#291: Q&A: My Wife Won't Pleasure Herself in Front of Me
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#279: Q&A: My Husband Is Having An Affair and I'm Relieved
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#271: Q&A: How Do I Meet My Sexual Needs in a Sexless Marriage
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#269: Q&A: How Do I Get My Mojo Back?
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#266: Relationship Vitamins
#265: I See You as Lover - the importance of attention in loving well
#264: The Pleasure of a Soft Cock
#263: Make Every Stroke Count
#262: You Can Make Love With Just A Kiss
#261: Finding the 'More' - the Spiritual Dimensions of Sex
#260: How To Stay In Love
#259: Expanding Your Sexual Play Part 2: How
#258: Expanding Your Sexual Play Part 1: What
#257: Simple Sex is Good Sex
#256: Solo Sex: Mindful Masturbation
#255: Own the Crone
#254: Porn Star versus Prude
#253: “When One is Pretending, the Whole Body Revolts”
#252: Non-Linear Lovemaking: the "Picnic" Approach to Sex
#251: Make Your Bedroom A Sanctuary
#250: Sexy Debriefing
#249: Getting "Love Drunk"
#248: Make-Over Your Sex Life
#247: Be Real, Express Yourself
#246: The Fairy Tales Got It Wrong
#245: Are Humans Naturally Monogamous - and if not, what does that mean?
#244: Gigglegasms
#243: Evolve with the Seven Elements of Sexuality
#242: Getting to Sex can be like Getting to the Gym
#241: Intensity Repels, Enticement Attracts - Like Chocolate Cake!
#240: Turn Yourself On and the World Turns On to You
#239: Therapy is Composting Your Sh*t
#238: Are You Flat-lining or Surfing in Life?
#237: How to Avoid Spiritual Bypassing in Sex and Relationships
#236: The Clitoris is Not an On/Off Button
#235: The Three Phases of Conscious Relationship Evolution
#234: Allow Self-Indulgence
#233: Are You Relationship-Oriented?
#232: Tantra: Sex Through Non-Sex
#231: A Multitude of Orgasmic Possibilities
#230: Sink In to Sync In
#229: Penises - does size really matter?
#228: What To Do When He Can't Come
#227: The Adolescent Male Masturbatory Model of Sex
#226: Merge Sex & Love Energies for Potent Connection
#225: Sex Is A Normal Part of Life
#224: We Judge ‘Normal’ Sex Based on Our Own Experiences
#223: How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Ways...
#222: Project 'Great Sex'
#221: Beforeplay Suggestions
#220: Foreplay and Be-Foreplay
#219: How To Heighten Sensory Pleasure
#218: The Bedroom is for Expression, Not Suppression
#217: The Three Types of Sex All Couples Need
#216: Things that make you go 'mmm' and things that make you go 'ngh'
#215: Libido - the Interplay of Desire and Arousal
#214: The Good and Bad of Porn
#213: Bad Communication Styles: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
#212: My Journey to Becoming A Transpersonal Sexologist
#211: Seven Sex Tips for Busy People
#210: Penises Love A Soft Touch
#209: Share Before You Fix
#208: The Best Thing A Father Can Do
#207: The Exquisiteness of a Relaxed Vagina
#206: The Look of Love - Eye-Gazing
#205: Quanta of Deliciousness
#204: How to Maintain the 'Mmm' Factor
#203: How To Have "Dirty Sex" with Someone You Love
#202: Seven Benefits of Attending A LoveLife Couples Retreat
#201: Make Sex Your Hobby
#200: Partnered Sex is Not Solo Sex for Two
#199: Melting Moments
#198: Your Partner Can't Be Everything To You
#197: Sex is Good, Sleep is Better
#196: Savouring Sex
#195: Living La Vida Tantrika - The Tantric Life
#194: Be Kind - It Works!
#193: Pushing Boundaries
#192: Good Rest=Good Sex
#191: We Need Bliss
#190: Receptive Is Not Passive
#189: So Much Love
#188: A High-Quality Relationship is a High-Maintenance Relationship
#187: Sex As Spiritual Practice
#186: Playing with The Yin and Yang of Sex
#185: The Yin and Yang of Sex
#184: Third-Level Love-Making
#183: Vive La Difference
#182: Taking A Marriage Sabbatical
#181: The Basic Sexual Unit Is One
#180: A Penis Is For Connection Not Penetration
#179: Men Have Not Evolved To Sow Their Seed Widely
#178: Big Sex Is Beautiful Sex
#177: Women Are Not 'Naturally' Monogamous
#176: Sex Therapy and Tantra Retreats What To Do If You Have A Reluctant Partner
#175: The Chilled Build
#174: Mums and Dads Need "Cuddle Time"
#173: Good Head Does Not Mean Simulating A Vacuum Cleaner
#172: Is Porn Making Women Less Feminine?
#171: Is Porn Making Men Less Masculine?
#160: Erotic Wickedness - how to play with power exchange
#170: Rough Sex
#169: The Three Pillars of Love
#168: Seven Benefits of Attending My Couples Retreats
#167: Ban Penetration (the word, not the act)!
#166: Solo Cultivation - Mindful Masturbation for Men
#165: Our Bodies Thrive on Pleasure
#164: Leela: Cosmic Play, Sexual Play
#163: Toys For Grown-Ups
#162: Backdoor Pleasures
#161: The Sexual Glutton Vs The Sexual Gourmet
#159: Practice Expressing Your Feelings
#158: Let’s Talk About Our Sex
#157: Love Your Breasts
#156: Ditch the Sex Myths
#155: Relax Into Orgasm
#154: When A Woman Is Free To Be Herself Sex Takes On A Spiritual Dimension
#153: It All Starts With A Kiss
#152: The Ecstasy Is In The Spaces In-between
#151: Radical Honesty
#150: Strength in Softness, Softness in Strength
#149: Your New Years Resolution - Have Better Sex!
#148: Peace, Pleasure and Goodwill to All
#147: A Beautiful Vulva is like a Luscious Hamburger
#146: Say “Yes!" to Sex
#145: Finger Finesse
#144: Reluctance is not frigidity, it’s body awareness - she’s not ready!
#143: Mindful Sex - why it’s worth practising
#142: Love Thy Partner
#141: ‘Invitation' not ‘Penetration'
#140: Female Bodies Are Sexual Pleasure Machines
#139: Sex is the Base of Being Human
#138: Awaken Your Vagina for the Kind of Sex All Women and their Partners Deserve
#137: Bonking on the Right Side of the Brain
#136: Have Sex with God…
#135: So Many Boxes - So Little Freedom
#134: How to Move Forward When Your Partner Has Betrayed You
#133: Why Humans Are So Sexual
#132: Partnered Yoga - Erotic Connection
#131: Make Love Like You’re Playing An Instrument
#130: How to Talk to Kids About Sex - and why you need to
#129: Inviting A Third (or fourth or more…) - the right way to play
#128: Does Size Really Matter
#127: The Way of the Householder - how to make the everyday sublime
#126: Our Bodies Are the Best Sex Toy Ever
#125: Honour Your Genitals for Exquisite Sex - the Why and How
#124: Tango Tantra - Make Your Love Life Blissfully Connected
#123: The Yin & Yang of Sex Chemistry
#122: DIY Porn - It’s A Fun Way to Add Spice to Your Love Life
#121: Move Beyond Sleaze and Shame and Discover The Third Wave of Sexuality
#120: Don’t Fake It Till You Make It - ‘Cause You Won’t Make It
#119: Give Your Man Absolute Pleasure...Try Prostate Massage
#118: We’re All Individuals! There’s a Whole Spectrum of Sexuality
#117: My New Book "Seven Sex Goddesses" Released!
#116: Can Fisting Be Fabulous?
#115: Ten Reasons Why Married Women Have Affairs
#114: Mutual Pleasure Requires Mutual Responsibility - how to expand your sex play safely
#113: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down - how to add restraint to your sex life
#111: 10 Tips for Your Vagina
#112: What’s Your Eroticism - Intimate, Wild, Fun?
#110: When the Man Leads, the Woman Embellishes
#109: Unblock Energy for Greater Love
#108: The Sensual Dom(me)
#107: Explore Your Fantasies
#106: Dress-Ups!
#105: Consensual Non-Monotony
#104: Consensual Non-Monogamy
#103: Languid 69
#102: Sensual Non-Monogamy
#101: Make Love to Yourself
#100: Celibacy, Sexuality and Spirituality
#99: Spice Alone Tastes Terrible
#98: Should I Stay Or Should I Go
#97: Plugging In - Sex Without Movement
#96: Growing Better With Age
#95: Teaching Tantra in Paradise
#94: Time Apart Can Be Erotic
#93: When He's Lost Interest
#92: Q&A: Why Doesn't Porn Do It For Me?
#91: If Sex Hurts, Change What You're Doing
#90: Some Words for the Lower Desire Partner
#89: Trust Your Body
#88: Chill Out in Your Sanctuary
#87: Planning for Pleasure
#86: Make the Lead-Up Erotic
#85: Advice from Japanese Grandmothers on How to be Beautiful
#84: If You Want A Mature Relationship You Have to be Mature
#83: How Often Should We Have Sex?
#82: Slay the Pink Elephants!
#81: The Tantric Lounge Radio Show - Talking Sex, Science and Spirituality
#80: What Do Men Love Best About Sex?
#79: Fetishes Are Fine
#78: The Awesomeness of Men Who are Present
#77: Sex Doesn't Have to Involve the Genitals
#76: Winter's A Time for Sexual Growth
#75: An Erection Does Not Have To Be Serviced
#74: "My Ejaculation Opens the Door to Deeper Orgasms"
#73: To Come Or Not To Come
#72: Know Your Sexual Rhythm
#71: Fill Up Your Self-Love Tank
#70: The Cup-of-Tea Approach to Sexual Self-Coaching
#69: Trust Means Being OK with Not Knowing
#68: Renegotiate Your Contract
#67: Breathe Together - It's Tantric Foreplay
#66: The Number One Secret to Good Sex
#65: An Orgasm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away - why sex is so good for you
#64: Teaching Sex Therapists Tantra
#63: Is “Good Enough” Sex Good Enough?
#62: Observing Love
#61: There's Always A Lower Desire Partner
#60: You Can't Find Balance, You Have To Craft It
#59: Sexual, Spiritual Business Leaders
#58: Positive Messages in 50 Shades of Grey
#57: Playing with Pleasure and Pain
#56: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - Advanced
#55: Pelvic Floor Pleasures - The Basics
#54: Three Good Reasons To Read Erotica
#53: Tantric Kink
#52: Tools for Self-Validation from a Luscious Woman
#51: How to Master the Art of Vaginal Stimulation
#50: Discover the G, A and Ohhhh-Spots
#49: The Tantric Quickie
#48: We All Need To Be Balanced in Our Masculine and Feminine Sides
#47: One Couple's "Kilimanjaro Walk" to Sexual Reconnection
#46: Feminine Receptivity and the Go-Getter Kind of Gal
#45: The Etiquette of Observing Breasts
#44: The World is Waking to Conscious Sex
#43: Try A Little Tenderness
#42: Erotica or Sleaze
#41: A Sensual Man Makes A Great Lover
#40: Sensuality Feeds Sexuality
#39: What is Sex Therapy, Sex Coaching and Tantra Teaching?
#38: The Beauty of Conflict
#37: A Woman's Body Opens In Stages
#36: Breathe Well: Live & Love Well
#35: Phone Sex
#34: Do Your Research - It's Fun!
#33: Unconditional Love Requires Self-validation
#32: Men Need a Muse Not Just A Vagina
#31: Teaching Tantra in Thailand
#30: Being Real
#29: Twelve Benefits of Sex
#28: Communicate - Human's Can't Read Minds!
#27: True Intimacy
#26: The Core of Tantra: Real Sex
#25: Sex as Entree not Dessert
#24: Fire and Water - Masculine and Feminine Sexual Energies
#23: High Libido Women Keep Their Sexual 'Water' Energy Simmering
#22: The Breadth of Sexuality and the Importance of Fun
#21: Prioritising Sex
#20: Obligation Sex is Self-imposed Low Level Sexual Trauma
#19: Not-So-Secret Men's Business
#18: Could We Have A Festival of Sexuality?
#17: Three Things A Whole Man Needs
#16: Valuing the Masculine
#15: Valuing the Feminine
#14: Face the Darkness to Find the Light
#13: Grow Up and Open Up Australia
#12: How Men Can Circulate Sexual Energy
#11: The Great G-Spot & Female Ejaculation Debate!
#10: Sexual Pleasure is the Great Equalizer
#9: Become a Black Belt in the Bedroom
#8: Neuroplasticity and Moulding Your Brain for Better Sex
#7: Raise Your Sexual Energy
#6: How To Consume An Ice-Cream - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 2
#5: How To Eat A Peach - Lose Yourself in Pleasure Pt 1
#4: Love in the Time of Chaos
#3: A History of Sexual Misinformation
#2: Men Are From Earth, Women Are From Earth
#1: The Birth of the LoveLife Blog

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