Download Audio: The Seven Flavours of Sex
As with the five languages of love, I also believe there are seven languages of sex. These ‘languages’ represent our eroticism, our sexual taste. So perhaps rather than ‘languages’ it’s better to think of them like flavours or ‘cuisines’. Different cuisines use ingredients differently and the seven ‘cuisines’ of sex experience sex differently.
As with the languages of love, these seven flavours of sex are all important, yet most people will have their preferences, with some being more important than others, in life in general and at specific times.
The seven flavours of sex are:
Physical
People with this eroticism love the physicality of sex. They like the rumpy-pumpy. They are particularly focused on the genitals and genital orgasms, anything else is a distraction or just the lead-up to the main event. They tend to have an intense sexual energy and are direct and to the point when it comes to sex.
Playful
People with a playful eroticism like to play! Their energy is upbeat. They might actually like to play sexual games, role play, dress-up, use toys., always with a sense of ‘Ooh, what fun!’. They are cheeky and flirty.
Sensual
People with a sensual eroticism love to engage all the senses. Atmosphere is important, with music, lighting scent and textures important (and no mess!). Their energy is slow and languid. They take their time and focus on sensation.
Mystical
People with an energy eroticism love the ‘spaces in between’, the very subtle, not quite there. This could be a sense of anticipation or what is to come, or the sinking in to moments of stillness and presence in order to feel more. They focus on subtle internal sensations. This is the opposite to the physicalists and is a flavour that is not well appreciated in our culture of bigger, harder, faster,
Wicked
People with a wicked eroticism like the thrill of danger, power exchange, playing on the edge. They enjoy a sense of transgression. This can take many forms: exhibitionism and voyeurism, playing on the edge of pleasure and pain, exploring the polarity of dominance and submission.
Romantic
For people with a romantic sexual flavour, it’s all about the romance, the heart connection, the love. They are less concerned about ‘what’ they are doing and more about the fact that they are engaged with their beloved. Or it might just be a simple cuddly kind of sexual encounter.
Mental
People who have a mental eroticism get turned on by the mind. This could be the classic sapiosexual who gets turned on by brilliant minds. Or they might feel connected and loved up through conversation in general, or they might love to talk about sex and their sexuality;,or they might like thinking about and planning sexual exploits.
How do we apply these in life and love? Well, to use the food analogy, an ingredient is used differently depending on the flavour you’re wanting to create. An onion, for example, will be used differently if you’re cooking a stir-fry, a curry or making a salad, yet it's the same onion. It’s the same with the Seven Flavours of Sex.
Let’s look at an example, outdoor sex:
Another example could be using rope:
So, a couple could be engaging in sex outdoors, or using rope, but having different experience of the behaviour. Therefore, questions like: “Do you like sex outside?” or “Do you want to try using rope?” are too limiting. Once you know your own and your partner’s flavours, you can speak to the eroticism. If you’d like to try using rope for example, you might ask your partner: “How do you feel about rope, how would it be for you?” And if you know that you for example, would experience in a more wicked way, ie the thought of having control over your partner while they are tied up thrills you, yet you know that they are very sensual, then you would discuss it from a more sensual perspective to get them engaged with the idea.
You might also find that you in the mood for different flavours at different times. Or that you start with one flavour before you move into another.
And of course, these aren't seven discrete types, you might be in the mood for romantically playful connection, or wickedly mystical, or any other combination.
It's all about having language and concepts to become more self-aware and to be able to communicate your needs and desires to your partner, so that you can co-create intimate/erotic/sexual encounters - just the way you want them.
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