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It is not possible to use your mouth like a hand without doing severe damage to your neck. Let the porn stars get regular physio for their oral antics,
it’s probably tax deductable anyway. It’s not for you.
Yes, I know on the porn clips the women giving men oral sex appear to be applying an extraordinary amount of suction and vigorous attention to the penis, and the man appears to be enjoying it. But you know what - they’re actors. You don’t know if they’re actually enjoying it. That’s not what porn is, porn is designed to be visually stimulating, it’s supposed to be what looks arousing, not what actually is arousing. Never assume that what you see on porn feels good.
And yes, I know when a man masturbates he tends to stroke his shaft vigorously.
But your mouth is not a hand. Your mouth is completely different to a hand, not only in the way it holds a penis, but in the mechanism of how it moves. Your hand is attached to a very flexible wrist, which is attached to a very strong and mobile arm. Your mouth is part of your head, attached to a delicate and not very maneuverable neck.
So,... read more
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I see a lot of male clients who watch a lot of porn, and one thing that strikes me about these men is that they are not very masculine.
A man who is mature in his masculinity is:
- Contributing, and
I don’t have a problem with porn per se. People have always liked to watch other people having sex. The problem happens when porn becomes a substitute for real sex, or when it becomes considered normal sex, rather than just something that is visually titillating.
The heavy porn watchers have an immature masculinity.
Let’s look at how porn interferes with a man’s sexual growth:
1) Connection: Porn teaches men nothing about connection. A man is never going to learn how to connect deeply and intimately with his partner if porn is his main source of sexual information. Yet without connection a man will never be a great lover, not even a good lover, especially over the long term. Connection is absolutely at the basis of all good sex.
2) Confidence: Porn reduces... read more
This term comes from the Taoist (Chinese) sexual practices. It essentially means you are masturbating to improve yourself. The furtive wank in front of the computer watching three barbie doll look-alikes pretend to be getting off on each other is fine, but it’s not improving yourself. It’s a bit like grabbing a take-away hamburger from a fast food chain - that’s not great nutrition, it’ll get you by when you’re desperate for a feed, but you won’t develop a great body from it. Wanking to porn as opposed to mindful masturbation is the same.
Sure, sometimes there are times when you want a quick wank, just as stress release or to rid yourself of a persistent urge. But for a man who wants to be a great lover, someone who is in tune with his sexuality and can make awesome love with his partner, what you really want is ‘solo cultivation’.
We don’t generally think of masturbation as a way to better yourself, so this will take a bit of mind shift.
First, you need to make time and space, and move away from the computer (or other device). Be somewhere comfortable, such as sitting in an armchair or reclining on a pile... read more
I had an interesting few days recently, running a workshop for women, followed two days later with a seminar for men.
For me it was truly wonderful to work with a group of 16 women over two days and feel and see them come more fully into the strength and softness of their femininity, and become more sexually confident and expressive. Such gorgeous strong feminine women!
And then two days later to work with a group of 15 men for an evening of coming into the strength and softness of their masculinity, becoming more sexually confident and (according to feedback from participants and/or their partners) more sexually expressive. Such gorgeous strong masculine men!
It really brought home to me how equal men and women are in their innate sexual energy, but how differently that energy is expressed.
Vive la difference!
We are all equal, and thank god for social changes that have given reasonable social, political, economic, etc equality between the sexes. God forbid that we should ever go back to a time when women were considered inferior to men in so many ways or that that inferiority be entrenched in society.
But equal does not mean same. Women... read more
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- #327: Pace Your Sexual Interactions
- #326: Fly on the Wall Friday - my new Video Series
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- #322: Don't Ever Stop Kissing
- #321: Consent From the Inside
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- #319: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 3: Sexual Transformation
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